Now's the time to intentionally expand our social circles.
Let’s throw open the gates to new friendships and new experiences. We must, if we hope to expand our cultural boundaries and unlearn the prejudice that's unraveling our country.
It's hard. I know..
In this odd new world where families live far from one another and parenting is a 24-hour-a-day, 18-year marathon, finding like-minded, loving families to share the fun, the burden, and the car pool is essential.
Finding our village is good for our health. It's good for our jobs. It helps us live longer.
But the smallness of our social circles limits our compassion, our ability to empathize, and our appreciation of the vastness of human experiences, talents, and comforts.
The fact is cultural and social segregation is still keeping us from understanding and respecting one another.
A recent Pew Research Survey "finds that relatively few adults say they have a lot in common with those who don’t share their own racial background. This is especially true of adults who are only one race. Among those who are single-race white, 62% say they have a lot in common with people in the U.S. who are white, while about one-in-ten or fewer say they have a lot in common with people who are black, Asian or American Indian. The pattern is similar for adults who are single-race black or Asian."
Given the immense amount of experiences, emotions, hopes, and fears we all have in common regardless of our background, this reported sense of alienation from one another is disheartening.
Sure, we all want epic back-up support from the people we love best, but what about making time to build bridges to new relationships beyond our immediate circles?
I too often find myself resisting uncomfortable social settings and new friendships (granted, I’m an uber-introvert), because there is JUST. NO. TIME.
Even for my own immediate circle of friends, time is scarce.
But I'm coming to realize that expanding my family's social and cultural experiences deserves a place on the calendar, even if it subtracts a bit from other priorities. Diversifying my children's encounters with the big, wide world feels like one small step towards unlearning the prejudice too deeply embedded in our society.
Unlearn prejudice. I realize that’s a big ask.
When we hear the word prejudice, too many of us tend to instinctively throw our hands up and deny that we, ourselves, harbor prejudice.
But that’s nonsense. We all harbor unhelpful prejudices in one form or another.
While citizens around the country advocate to make their fears and hopes heard with rallies, earnest consciousness-raising events, and peacefully-minded barbecues, two things are abundantly clear.
The way we fundamentally experience race in this country is deeply problematic and must change.
And the way we raise our children has a huge impact on this problem.
I was raised in the era of color blindness. I was told, “We don’t see color. Everyone is just the same.”
This approach is now understood as terribly problematic. Color blindness prevents us from acknowledging, discussing, and overcoming racial injustice.
As a parent, my mantra has always been, “Everyone is different, and that’s beautiful.”
I bring this line out when my kids notice religious differences in their peers at school or when someone they know goes gonzo for a new app or movie or show that my own child thinks is silly.
“Everyone is different, and that’s beautiful.”
But we recently moved to a rural/exurb/TV-Land sort of community. Where we live, everyone isn’t all that different. It's still a beautiful community to be part of, with plenty of difference and nuance to celebrate. But unlike the wonderful melting pot from which we moved, we are no longer surrounded by vivid multi-racial, multi-ethnic, multiculturalism. And to be honest, even our former inner ring suburb wasn’t all that multi-anything.
How do I help my family notice, celebrate, and become comfortable with the beautiful differences our world has to offer?
There is no easy answer, no quick fix. Doing Good Together™ is often called to give expert advice, and admittedly, on this subject, we are seekers of a solution as much as everybody else.
But, even if there is no magic cure, leaving our relatively homogeneous enclaves to experience the wider world can be a big part of our push for change.
Calling out prejudice when we encounter it can be part of our push for change.
Expanding our circle of friends – our village– can be another big part of our push for change.
Inviting our families and ourselves to experience the many-layered nuances of culture available in our communities is another big part of it.
It's time to explore more broadly.
It’s time to reach out and stand together.
It’s time to think of the world as our family and create as many connections to others as possible. After all, our communities are stronger, and the rifts between us are narrower, when we spend time with people of diverse backgrounds and diverse experiences.
Here are six fun ways to celebrate diversity and broaden your friendships as a family.
Click here to access the curriculum.
Try Our Free Compassion-Building Curriculum
Beyond Our Neighbors: A Curriculum for Expanding Empathy and Compassion to “Others” was created by DGT™ and Making Caring Common, a project at the Harvard Graduate School of Education. This fun, three-part series has been designed to inspire and empower children to be ambassadors for good beyond their immediate friends and family.
2. Cover New Ground
Travel is essential. And I'm not just talking about expensive journeys to new parts of this country and beyond. Start in your own city. Explore new parks outside your own community, visit an array of new restaurants, and enjoy the diversity of culture your own city has to offer. COVID-19 UPDATE: We realize travel is not as easy now, but we can commit to sharing acts of kindness from home. Visit our Covid-19 Resource Page with service projects, kindness kits, and more!
3. Take in a Festival
Watch for multicultural events near you, whether they celebrate the heritage of a culture you’d like to learn more about, or celebrate food or art from all cultures. Bring the whole family, a lot of enthusiastic curiosity, and discuss what you learned when you get home.
4. Learn Something New
Meet new people by joining a new club or trying out a new hobby. Check the newsletters of local museums or cultural groups for unique opportunities. Take a language class together as a family. Start a multicultural book club. Get creative!
5. Volunteer in Diverse Communities
Whether you branch out in your own city or volunteer on vacation, sharing your time and talents to help others is a wonderful way to meet new people. Show up with respect and openness for those your serve as well as those you serve with, and your whole family will come away with a much broader perspective, along with a deeper understanding of the experiences of others.
6. Keep Talking and Keep This in Mind
As we strive to intentionally meet new people, enjoy a diversity of cultural experiences, and broaden our children's approach to the world, here are a few more things to remember.
Be curious. Ask questions, politely, and listen well to what others are saying.
Read widely. Check out DGT's picture and chapter book collections celebrating diversity. Take it further with our downloadable ebook toolkit: Raising an Anti-Racist Generation.
Notice your own judgments. If you find yourself pre-judging someone based on a tattoo/piercing, article of clothing, walking style, or skin color, admit it to yourself. Bring that sentiment up with your family later. And intentionally remind yourself that these pre-judgments have nothing to do with the individual you encountered and everything to do with a past experience.
Call out prejudice, kindly. If you notice another person making a prejudicial comment, calmly speak out. Model brave advocacy and peaceful confrontation in front of your children. Simply saying, “I hope you didn't mean that the way it sounded,” or “That can be considered offensive, perhaps you meant...” might cause the speaker to reevaluate their statement.
Meeting new people leads to a plethora of teachable moments with our kids. Encourage their (respectful) questions. Answer them openly and honestly.
We need to build bridges that cross arbitrary color boundaries as well as over-emphasized political differences, unintended socio-economic divides, and every other rift that's preventing us from being open to one another.
It's time to intentionally, purposefully explore the beautiful, curious, glorious differences among us.
Interested in sharing your perspective? Add your thoughts in the comments below.
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